The kids have just walked in from swim camp, and I am handed a letter from an instructor there. Peanut is standing in front of me, abashed and insolent at the same time. Gotta love 9-year olds.
"MOM! He really was an ass."
I put the letter down and look at her, eyebrows raised.
"No, Mom, I mean it. He really was!"
"I don't doubt you for a minute. You know an ass when you see one. But that's not a kid word." Her tone changes from defensive wailing to angry narrative.
"He kept sticking his butt in everyone's face and saying, "smell my ass". It was irritating! And GROSS. So I told him he was an ass and walked away. And then I got in trouble." She looks up again to see if the full story changes my reaction.
"Wow. What an irritating kid. How old is he?" I ask.
"He's ELEVEN. And he's always doing dumb stuff like that. I hate it. He won't STOP."
"Did he stop when you called him an ass? Or did it make it worse?" I inquire.
"He looked kinda surprised," she laughs a little here, pleased she shocked him. "But he didn't do anything dumb for the rest of the day," she states, with a 'so there!' hip jut and arm cross.
"Well, then. That part worked. Maybe he was trying to get your attention and got carried away?"
"He's always doing stuff like that and I ignore him, but this time he got right in my face and WOULDN'T STOP!" Yep, he was trying to impress her. Oh man, it's starting already.
"But then I totally got in trouble and didn't get to have free time," she grumbles.
"Well, yeah, that was the part that didn't work," I say.
"But I was RIGHT. Even the teacher thought he was being an as-...annoying! How come I got in trouble? She knows I was right!"
"Because words matter. And adults will usually have a problem with kids who use inappropriate language. Many adults have a problem with grown-ups using inappropriate language. You've got to watch your choices."
"Am I in trouble with you? You agreed that he was being a - what I called him!"
"Here's the deal. It's a little tricky, so listen closely..." she is not looking at me, but listening attentively. I can live with that.
"You and your friends will make your own rules about acceptable language. Daddy and I can't control that and we're not going to try. You get to make your own choices there and deal with the consequences, " pause and look at her. "That's kid to kid language, you understand?"
"Yeah, you've said that before. But talking with adults is different," she admits grudgingly.
"That's right. We have rules for how you talk at home, and with and around adults outside of home. 'Ass' is not on the acceptable list and yet you said it, right in front of the teacher who was there to take care of the situation. You can't win when you use a potty mouth with an adult, even if you're talking to another kid and even if you're right. People will judge and it will do you no favors. Do you understand?"
"But she knows I was right!"
"There are rules, and you knowingly broke one. Do you understand?" I repeat, edging on stern.
"Yeah. Does that mean I lose dessert?"
"Yes, it does." I was thinking TV time, but if dessert seems like a tragic loss, all the better.
She stomps off and I turn to the Daddy with a "did you hear all that?" look. He leans back to look beyond me to see if she's left the room.
"That's YOU. She get's that from you," he says laughingly.
"Yeah. I know. If she called him a shithead it would all be on YOU."
He snorts and then his face falls a little bit, "I've seen that kid. He's always looking at her. He notices the minute I drop her off. I think he likes her a little bit and is just trying to show off. Be the "big man on campus" at eleven. Jeesh."
"Yeah, I suspected it might be something like that. The teacher's note said he tends toward 'overexhuberance' but he's harmless. 'Smell my ass.' Charming. I'm pretty proud of her for calling him out, though. You know this is going to happen in dozens of variations over the years. At least she didn't appreciate the attention - get all giggly and encourage him. What a nightmare that would be!"
Then, a little voice pipes up, "What's a nightmare? What are you talking about?"
We turn to look at Boo, peeking around the corner, and I answer, "That boy at swim camp today. Being obnoxious and talking about his butt. He's a nightmare!"
Boo looks thoughtful, then giggles, "I dunno. I think he's kinda cute!"
Ah, shit.
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